First letter to you

Tomorrow we have our big 20 week ultrasound, that's main purpose is a full anatomy once-over, detecting all the potential scary things it can. That's my technical description at least. A cherry on top is a peek betweem the legs, and we find out girl or boy! Entire wedding or rehearsal dinner! I can't say that I am not worried about this ultrasound, simply because of the many many things they could tell me is wrong, but I think I'll choose to focus on how excited I am to find out if you are a little lady or a little man. And since I don't yet know, I wanted to cover both bases, writing to you from both perspectives.

If you are a boy, I hope:
~that you are an excellent little brother to Andrew. He is not the kind of kid who would push you back down, if you picked a fight with him, so in some ways I do hope you end up teaching him a healthy sense of self-defense. But more than that, I hope you go easy on him.
~that you enjoy second-hand clothes, because kid, that's just about all you'll get if you are a boy! And why not, when there are a dozen storage bins full of baby boy clothes just waiting for you. I promise they're all pretty damn cute. And your bro was/is not the type to go digging for diamonds in the yard, so they're in pristine condition!
~that you go easy on me. People have said that I'll be getting a polar opposite of Andrew, and that terrifies me because Andrew is a pretty chill little dude. I think raising a couch-diver could bring me some hard-earned life experience, but really, I am as scared of head injury as the next mom.

~that you potty-train at a reasonable age. It's rumored that girls are much easier to train than boys, and I completely lucked out with Andrew, so my hope is that you go just as smoothly. Don't worry, I've dealt with endless poop-filled underwear episodes, I have a very tough stomach by now.
~that you catch on quickly that I am not a mom who is ok with touching reptiles or insects. Sure, if it's you & dad flying solo, go to town! But when it's just me, as it often will be, there will be much distraction and redirection.
~that years from now, you don't ever spend too much time investing in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't treat you right. Life is just too short.
~that even though 99% of people I know are telling me they are hoping it's a girl, because that's apparently just what you do when someone already has one boy, you are exactly what I prayed for. 


If you are a girl, I hope:
~that you are an excellent little sister to Andrew. As sassy as you might turn out (genetics), I hope that you remember that he's your only big brother and that he loves you very much. Don't verbally abuse him too much, he's a sensitive soul.
~that you try to remember, when you are a teen, that I BIRTHED YOU. Don't forget the 10 months (plus years of getting back to square one) of sacrificing my body (and mind), either. I know you will inevitably hate me, for no other reason than I am your mother, but I pray that you remember this time, before you were born!
~that we can someday be best friends. I had that bond with my mother, and as complicated as it was on some days, it was something so amazing I can't even describe it. If I told someone I wanted a girl, it's not because of the outfits and bows, it's because of the potential for this relationship someday.
~that you try to rise above the girl-drama of your later years. There will be many many girls who try to bring you down and make you feel less-than, and I urge you to go the other way.
~that you understand that as of right now, I have no clue how to dress a little girl. I see baby girl leggings sold, but I have no idea what the purpose of them is. As a pants replacement? No clue. We can learn all this together. It'll be ok.
~that you know right now, your first car will not, under any circumstances, be a mini-van.
~that you try your hardest to not get caught up in the food/weight obsession. I hope you enjoy good food and enjoy a good sweat, don't hold yourself up to any standard but your own.
~that you treat boys kindly, when you start dating. I wasn't always so great at this, but I never had a brother for a different kind of male perspective either, so I hope you can use yours to better yourself.
~that, if you are ever treated poorly by a boy, you remember that they're like buses. A new one every 10 minutes or so. And please don't misinterpret that. 
~that you know that, even though the thought of a girl actually kind of petrifies me a little, for complicated-girl-reasons, you are exactly what I prayed for.